Tuesday, July 05, 2011

PURE JOURNALING: Missing Aunt Lynn


Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I'm following the path God has laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard Him call,

I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day.
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that peace at the close of the day.
If my parting has left a void, then fill
it with remembered joys.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss.
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much.
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee.
God wanted me now; He set me free!

Dear Aunt Lynn, July 2, 2011

As I was driving home from work today I think you whispered in my ear

“I need you to be strong for my family. Live by example so they can be with me. Will you say the opening prayer at my funeral?”

I thought to myself, there is so much family to do that, I probably won’t be a part of the actual services but, a part of helping Roger cope with losing his dear wife.

I sat down at home and began thinking about writing this letter and received a phone call from Roger he said: “You said I could ask anything. Well would you say the opening prayer at the funeral?” I began to cry and couldn’t help but think to myself that I did hear a whisper from you telling me I needed to be strong for your family. I feel you in my heart and know you are near.

If you were standing next to me this is what I would say:

“You took me under your wing as a newlywed and lonely housewife while Keith was at work. You told me “only strangers knock on my door” I quickly learned you didn’t refer to me as a stranger. Roger was away on the truck and you always told me you enjoyed the company. You shared your yogurt and Sunflower toast with me and called it “dinner” and told me not to tell anybody that’s all you eat for dinner. I hope I thanked you for that. We’d laugh and talk about our families and tell jokes. We’d watch “Jon & Kate”, “Little People Big World”, and the shows that showed the people buying and selling their homes and interior design shows.

One day sometime before Christmas in 2007 (I think) I raced over to your house to tell you what I had seen on TV. It was a commercial about the Cricut, that would relieve the pain in your hands when you scrapbooked. You looked at it and we showed Roger and then he surprised you at Christmas time with it. That was a fun Christmas, you invited Keith and I over for your family Christmas dinner. You always had a Christmas dinner. You loved Jayson as your own grandkids and were sure you showed him that love. You and Roger supported us by coming to birthday parties and were excited to see our new home every time we moved. You were always excited to see how I would decorate it.

You told everybody in your family that you loved me so much and gave me the most adoring compliments that they loved me because you loved me. No questions asked. Lynn I am going to miss you. You are an incredible aunt, a wonderful friend, and another mom to me. You gave me advice on everything in life and helped me out so much.

In February of 2008 I lost a pregnancy, I was devastated; I stayed in bed for a week. We sat in your living room all alone and you shared your love with me and your story of Robert and Burns. You missed Burns so much. You told me how you looked forward to that day of rocking him in your arms. You helped me realize that there is hope and life isn’t over, and to go on so that I could fulfill my journey here on earth. Those tender merciful words have never left me. I went on. When I found out I was pregnant with Aiden the first person I told was Keith, the second was my mom, the third was Aunt Lynn, you were so excited and started talking about all the things I had to look forward to. I have never forgotten the excitement you shared with me as I reflected on the nervousness I had inside about losing another pregnancy. You got me all excited about a baby shower and you were worried who was going to throw it and where it was going to be. You told me you were going to invite Sally and her girls even though I didn’t really know them. You made sure that I got a blanket with elephants on it. You loved elephants. We ended up having it at your house and you just let Gwen and Kristine come in and do their thing. You laughed and made jokes about all the games we played and were happy to participate.

We scrapbooked and scrapbooked, and when we needed a break from scrapbooking we played “Zumma” I think that is what it was called, and then you introduced me to “Chuggle” I miss you talking about these games. Well you helped convince Zach & Jaclyn that I should babysit Kaden & Landen. So, I started watching the boys and when Kaden was in preschool at Wendy’s we’d come visit you. If you weren’t sitting at the kitchen table you were in your scrapbook room.

You’d show your new page, or what you learned to new that you could do with the cartridges and then teach me how to do it too. You made a train for Roger…..and he LOVED IT!!

You so proudly talk about your kids and your grandkids. You’d always fill me in on the missing link in a story and how things came about. You always were so positive and always had a hug. I wasn’t allowed to leave until; I had a kiss on the cheek. Your kids started treating me like one of your kids. I grew to love Roger and got to know him really well. I was so excited to be back in Manti when we moved back just in May, I was hoping to spend many more days with you.

My heart is broken, but, more than ever Roger’s heart is broken. He knows you are out of pain however; he misses you and loves you so much. I promise I will be calling, and dropping in to see what he’s up to. Hopefully, I can ask him to help me with some projects in a few weeks and help keep him busy.

Lynn, you are amazing! I regret not coming over when you told me you were down for a day. I told you that day that I love you and I hope you get well soon. You said “oh it just takes a few days” I just got too caught up in work and have been busy I am sorry I took for granted that there will be tomorrow. I love you so much and I will miss you. I kissed you on your cheek as you lay in a hospital bed and said “I love you”. I hugged Roger for you since you couldn’t physically hold him. I know spiritually you hold him every night. I have a book full of memories, I could write about all day. Suppose I won’t do that though.

Love, Karena

I didn't even mention, you convinced me to never miss a family reunion, they are so fun.